Tuesday, November 6, 2012

How Parents Sabotage their own Discipline

Anger is one way we sabotage our own discipline here are some others:

Procrastination- Repeating yourself but not following through until you are angry, only teaches the child that it is safe to ignore the first three or four commands.  Threatening but not following through, teaches the child that your word is meaningless.  Giving in to demands when he/she whines enough, conditions your child to continue to push because they know they will eventually wear you down.

Talking too much- Talking during discipline sabotages the correction because it is giving emotional attention for bad behavior. Only give attention to behaviors you want repeated.   Advising, lecturing, moralizing or teaching when either the adult or the child is seething with negative emotions will turn off the child’s ability to listen.  Discipline should be as brief and non-verbal as possible.  Verbal training should be done at positive times.  (Idea: redeeming drive time)

Negative Scripting- Children will believe they are who you say they are.  Don’t call them names, label them, predict a negative future or devalue them in any way.

Bribing- Bribing will teach your child to expect rewards for obedience rather than to obey because it is right.

Not believing that discipline will pay off- If you believe that your discipline will not pay off, then you will be half-hearted or inconsistent and it will become self-fulfilling.  If you are looking for your discipline to immediately change your child’s behavior, you will be disappointed and quit the necessary discipline.  There are no “quick fixes” when it comes to discipline, it is a long term investment.

How you see your role, affects how you parent:
If you see your child as a slave, possession, annoyance, disappointment or unwanted guest, you will: yell, belittle, ignore, boss.  If you see them as your equal or your friend, you will: beg, bribe, whine, give in to demands and be hooked into arguments.  If you see them as your disciple, an apprentice, a valuable person, but one who is simply inexperienced and in need of teaching, you will be: consistent, firm, respectful, positive, empathetic, encouraging, and hopeful.

What does your parenting style reveal about how you see your children?  What steps can you take to see your relationship to your child the way God sees it?

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