Confrontation and discipline should be done in love, to benefit someone who is making choices that are damaging to themselves or others. God teaches us in His word that confrontation of sin is for the purpose of restoring, rescuing, redeeming, and reconciling, and should always be done in humility, gentleness, and love. God does not want us to confront sin to get even, to vent anger, or to punish. Sadly, not many people have experienced confrontation according to biblical principles. Most people have experienced a corrupted version of biblical confrontation that was not life-giving at all. This leads to many destructive parenting practices in discipline.
God does not want us to confront someone to show them that they are “bad” or that we are mad. He does not want us to confront for the purpose of controlling people through fear and intimidation. When we do, we demonstrate that we believe that it is our job to judge and punish people and make them be good.
Jesus did not die to make us be good people, he died to give us life. Confrontation should communicate a bigger picture than just to stop being bad and be good. It should communicate the importance of coming back to the life that God created us for; life as God designed it to work. When we return to dependence on God as the source, we benefit from experiencing Life as God created it to be. Turning from our sin is not just a means to escape condemnation, it is the way back to Life.
When confrontation is done for the right purpose and with the right attitude in relationships, families, and communities over a long period of time, trust is developed. When people are able to trust that confrontation is for their benefit and not to point out their badness, they become more willing to humbly look at themselves and see the areas in which they need to grow. If we are using biblical discipline we don’t use the tools of anger, shame, or intimidation. When we understand God’s model for confrontation, we can give consequences to our children in a loving and positive way that is focused on rescuing, redeeming, and reconciling, rather than punishing.